Im all about those damn 'live in this fucking moment' quotes. I love that inspirational shit. But why is it that the only (not the only, just the majority) (or maybe it just enhances my ability) time i let my locked down desires free is when im intoxicated. Fuck my abnormally high BAC. Fuck my confidence. My lack of understanding of social cues. Fuck me. Sideways. With sandpaper. Oh wait.....every time i drink i do that anyway. Yes, I masterbate with sandpaper sideways when drunk. NO you fuck, im talking about my ability to ACCOST any good looking person when drunk. Haha. Its actually kind of funny. When the person lets you grab their face, tell them they're beautiful, and allows you to walk away without slapping you across the face. Thats......love. No that just makes me an idiot and you a perfect perfect being.
Even as I walked on I didnt know what I was thinking. Mifflin 2010. And THATS the moment that is stuck in my head. Well, its better than other things ive done. We will fall in love for two weeks. We will wake up early to eat banana pancakes smothered in thick maple syrup. And we'll blow a little in to our coffee when it's too hot.
Paint a picture with my hands. And back and forth we sway like branches in a storm. Okay fuck it, we'll go to bed too high. We'll drink our tea, knowing only one pack is left. That bothers us. All out of REFRESH. Move to AWAKE. All out of AWAKE. Move to ZEN. And you saved it for last because you like it least. Ive never been one of those people that goes through the thing they like the least FIRST. Why would ANYONE do that? First of all, if its food...what if you get full of the boring thing? And then youre stuck all full and shit, and you dont have room for that ice cream. What if you die first? Im not being dramatic. These are things i contemplate. If I have one of those days where im feeling like something bad might happen, I read the end of the books im reading. I hate when people do things like that. But I do them anyway. GOD DANG IT. Will you please just go be that starving artist you long to be? Live on nothing. Open up that journal and be poetic. FINALLY. Suck it up and travel. Just fucking go. I cant wait. This summer. (I have the biggest grin on my face right now) Sometimes i genuinally think I dont like getting attached to things because I never want to have something to lose. I have nothing to lose. I guess my great great great friends, but I couldnt lose them if I tried. They're too great. Gosh..............I just know that the world has more to offer than the twelve pages I need to read for Geography, or the sixty channels of crummmmmy tv that I can watch whenever. Maybe I'll be the change I WANT TO see in the world. Maybe I'll thank myself for it. I dont regret grabbing anyones face or ever telling anyone they are beautiful. You never regret a thing like that.
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