It was just one of those nights you never want to forget, never will. Last floor meeting, I'll miss the 8th floor of Chadbourne. "Guys, lets take a picture!!!" Okay, Vessalina. Lets get these 35 people out of this small room in less than twenty minutes and take a damn picture. Im twelve, no smile. Yet, my brain is grinning. I can feel Evan being torn between resting his chin on my head, or just ditching that pose to remain normal. Flash, and I can already imagine what our smiles look like. Smiles that define us, tell you everything we know. Evan looks like someone just handed him a plant that has recently went extinct and its his job to restore the entire species (?) (super happy). Andy looks like a playboy, these people on his arms are his hoes. Didnt ya know? Leah looks like she's posing for a high school sports picture, her mom is going to wear that smile on a button to every game she plays for the next year. Rachel has on her 'just saw Bella' smile. Sarah just found out she got in to the business school. And I...am being...an asshole.
Aaron strains his windblown eyes, and sensitive lungs (seriously, sensitive) to come visit me. We're not sit and chat while watching tv people. We're lets go walk on state and find a place to sit, random as fuck people. Cute boy, cuter when he puts on my glasses. We talk girls and boys. We return, more in love than ever.
Andy and Omar are waiting for me, cracking it. We head down state street to buy a portable device used to generate a flame. Walgreens is closed, I whine. Random man tells us a convenience store is at 503 State. Thanks, doll. You can trust people. Thats one thing Ive learned, you dont have to sit and be scared that everyone is trying to steal your grandmas purse or sexually abuse your grandpa. People are decent primates, most of the day. While we get the flame machine, Omar goes to Taco Bell. He finds a packet of HOT sauce that says 'Marry me?' Oui!
We walk to the lake. Past the terrace. Down lakeshore path. Park bench. Low to the ground. Sit. Hit. People. Leave. Instead, lets climb up this hill. We climb, and its hard work, but fun. Bench in the woods near the trail. I wish everyone could have seen that view; an end all wars, feed the children, lets all be lovers, type view. Moon shining off the lake, trees anything but in the way. We're just having so many little breakthroughs, realizations, learning life lessons. We're making 'Imagine' come to life with our silly, excited, peaceful words. We're spoiled, and now its known. Andy talks about his parents lives. They are average American citizens. A nurse and a post office man. Completely respectable, and we realize they must be in the top 1 percent of happiness in the world. We are sitting high up on this roundish little hill, and the moon is clear as day. I feel like we are giants sitting on the very edge of the earth, rolling and spinning with the Earth. Everything is still, understood, happy. The world is asleep and we decide when it wakes. I could talk about this for hours. Its what I love, my mind working so smoothly. And then we walk up the remaining steps, on to the sidewalk, cops. Oh shit. My heart is in my throat, normal for me, but still.
I get intense. I start talking about the cops and how they are just waiting there, that they will drive down by our dorms once we get closer. I keep going. Scenario after scenario. Words spill out of my mouth and my heart races. Andy just keeps rubbing my shoulder, Mellll. Melll. He says Im always making up these crazy scenarios, stories. I cant relax, because I believe it to be true. Andy then says something that makes my heart burst, he talks about how for the past 30 years this exact same scenario has played out. Kids scared that cops are going to follow them back to Chadbourne. Isnt that funny? We're not so different.
Room. Snacks. Bed. I love my life.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
I'll tell myself, or the computer, which knew
I should stop talking about myself so much.
But what else do I know about?
Not that much.
I know now that I want to have kids someday.
I would be interested in the smallest things. Whether they like Pepsi or Coke? I used to like Diet Pepsi but now I just cant stand it. What tv shows would they like? Would it be hard to get them to brush their teeth? I used to wipe the paste all over my face and make mustaches with my brothers. Will they hate me when they become teenagers? Will they pick at their food? Will they beg for a puppy, color on the walls, throw grapes, feed the dog chocolate, dress themselves up, sing for me? And then i'll want them to be really great athletes. But I think i'll just want them to really love something. art. music. writing. acting. Im already scared that they wont Really love anything. That they'll just get a job, and never participate. I dont care if they're reallys shy and dye their hair black. Hopefully they wont get any tattoos and not tell me. I hope they trust me.
And then i'll tell them about me. Just like Im telling you now. They probably wont care. I didnt care when my parents told me about them. Its so boring. No one wants to be told. You want to find out on your own.
But what else do I know about?
Not that much.
I know now that I want to have kids someday.
I would be interested in the smallest things. Whether they like Pepsi or Coke? I used to like Diet Pepsi but now I just cant stand it. What tv shows would they like? Would it be hard to get them to brush their teeth? I used to wipe the paste all over my face and make mustaches with my brothers. Will they hate me when they become teenagers? Will they pick at their food? Will they beg for a puppy, color on the walls, throw grapes, feed the dog chocolate, dress themselves up, sing for me? And then i'll want them to be really great athletes. But I think i'll just want them to really love something. art. music. writing. acting. Im already scared that they wont Really love anything. That they'll just get a job, and never participate. I dont care if they're reallys shy and dye their hair black. Hopefully they wont get any tattoos and not tell me. I hope they trust me.
And then i'll tell them about me. Just like Im telling you now. They probably wont care. I didnt care when my parents told me about them. Its so boring. No one wants to be told. You want to find out on your own.
Monday, April 26, 2010
i'll give my children toy guns any day of the week. thank you
Every Monday in my physics 107 discussion we have to talk about one question that was assigned to us and then answer a silly question. I always get SO nervous right before I have to speak. It's ridiculous. My hands start sweating. Its hard to swallow. I yawn continuously, trying to calm myself down. I can feel my heart beat a weird little pattern. Making up a beat, teasing my brain for the silly fear I have. I start contemplating running out of the room. Saying I was sick. I look out the window and am beyond jealous of the sun. Outside free. And then I get pissed OFF at the sun for not having to sit in this FUCKING chair just waiting for my turn to speak. I hate it. I am one of those people that would willingly kick the bucket before speaking in public. I dont care. I hate it more than anything. BUT...then...I hear my name ("Melody") AND ......then....out of nowhere I hear my voice, so fucking confident, saying "I had the question on quantum physics about high temperature superconductors..." (Where the HELL is this bullshit coming from?) I literally sound like i got the peace prize for discovering this shit. Well congratulations, its over, see ya again next week when im close to dying of a heart attack ONCE AGAIN. Its funny how the sound of your own voice can calm you. I forget how much i trust it, until i hear it.
And then I have to answer the silly question about what my favorite toy was as a child. Bullshit. Its all fucking bullshit. My favorite toy was a plastic gun. No lie. My second favorite toy was my dictionary. I can still see it. I took it from my dads 4th grade classroom when I was in kindergarten. I couldnt read. My mom would come flip it so I wasnt 'reading' it upside down. but I didnt care. I always tried to read it upside down. And I had this little old desk from my dads old classroom. I would sit in the desk, 'read' my dictionary, and I always had the plastic gun sitting right next to the book. Whenever someone would try to interrupt me, I would pick up the gun and tell them to leave. This is not a joke. I would speak in a different voice, really gruff. And just pick up the gun. Point it at my little brother, or older brother, or my mom if she tried to flip the book. She would then tell me that she would take the dictionary away if I kept doing it. But then my chunky little blonde haired brother would come in..."Melbuddy. (pronounced Melbahdee)" and I would pick up that fucking gun and say "Git out" hahahahahaha. I also remember little Z calling me Melbuddy all the time. I would get so so so pissed, and then I finally freaked out once. I love it.
And then I have to answer the silly question about what my favorite toy was as a child. Bullshit. Its all fucking bullshit. My favorite toy was a plastic gun. No lie. My second favorite toy was my dictionary. I can still see it. I took it from my dads 4th grade classroom when I was in kindergarten. I couldnt read. My mom would come flip it so I wasnt 'reading' it upside down. but I didnt care. I always tried to read it upside down. And I had this little old desk from my dads old classroom. I would sit in the desk, 'read' my dictionary, and I always had the plastic gun sitting right next to the book. Whenever someone would try to interrupt me, I would pick up the gun and tell them to leave. This is not a joke. I would speak in a different voice, really gruff. And just pick up the gun. Point it at my little brother, or older brother, or my mom if she tried to flip the book. She would then tell me that she would take the dictionary away if I kept doing it. But then my chunky little blonde haired brother would come in..."Melbuddy. (pronounced Melbahdee)" and I would pick up that fucking gun and say "Git out" hahahahahaha. I also remember little Z calling me Melbuddy all the time. I would get so so so pissed, and then I finally freaked out once. I love it.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
id rather be your cocoon
Wherever you are, whatever you do.
I wonder where I am in my relationship to you.
Wherever you go, wherever you are.
I watch your pretty life play out in pictures from afar.
Um so yeah. Im wanting to do things. Are you? Like what kind of things, you ask. Well, Id like to be taking pictures. But, my camera battery isnt here yet. Id like to be painting. But I dont have paint. Id like to be snuggling, but I dont have anyone to snuggle with. One word Ive decided that I love ........is........snuggle. Maybe moreso the expression 'snug as a bug in a rug'. I was climbing out of the shower, and I just wrapped my yellow towel around my head (like how those people from other countries wear those one long things....) and I thought of how you always see things like that on tv. or something. Parents giving kids a bath and just wrapping them in a towel. Snug as a bug in a rug. I always loved being really really confined. When my mom would tuck me in, I would seriously just scream to her 'mommmmm. mommm' she would come back in. "What Melody?" "Tuck me in more." hahahaha. Its comforting. Or Id have my dad roll me up in a blanket, and Id just lay in that cocoon and watch a movie. Im still like that. I have three pillows in my tiny bunk bed. I put one on each side of me. I think id be good at sleeping in bed with someone else. I mean...............permanently. I could get used to that.
I wonder where I am in my relationship to you.
Wherever you go, wherever you are.
I watch your pretty life play out in pictures from afar.
Um so yeah. Im wanting to do things. Are you? Like what kind of things, you ask. Well, Id like to be taking pictures. But, my camera battery isnt here yet. Id like to be painting. But I dont have paint. Id like to be snuggling, but I dont have anyone to snuggle with. One word Ive decided that I love ........is........snuggle. Maybe moreso the expression 'snug as a bug in a rug'. I was climbing out of the shower, and I just wrapped my yellow towel around my head (like how those people from other countries wear those one long things....) and I thought of how you always see things like that on tv. or something. Parents giving kids a bath and just wrapping them in a towel. Snug as a bug in a rug. I always loved being really really confined. When my mom would tuck me in, I would seriously just scream to her 'mommmmm. mommm' she would come back in. "What Melody?" "Tuck me in more." hahahaha. Its comforting. Or Id have my dad roll me up in a blanket, and Id just lay in that cocoon and watch a movie. Im still like that. I have three pillows in my tiny bunk bed. I put one on each side of me. I think id be good at sleeping in bed with someone else. I mean...............permanently. I could get used to that.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
i love you but ive chosen life
I asked Kinzee how her relationship with someone was going. Not a boy. Just a person. And she said, "they are just one of those 'whatever' people. just 'there'." Wouldnt that suck to know that someone felt that way about you? That you were just there. Complete apothy.
I saw this girl on state street. Ratty hair. Dirty face. Desperate. Holding a sign saying 'Send me home to Berkely' and then there was the classic heart with a peace sign in the center. It was sad. Its as if I realized that I could do that. I could just go out there and do whatever. But there is a line. And those people that are just "there" ...they never even get close to that line. Theyre not original, crazy, fun, spontaneous, bitchy, honest, or real. And then there are those that cross the line. Go too far. Come to Madison, and try to get back to Berkely. Well babe, I hate to break it to you...but Berkely aint what it once was. Maybe JC knew what he was talking about when he said he'd walk the line. And to stay on that wire, to only offend the right amount, and maintain a great personality at the same time. The people that are "whatever" dont let that come naturally. They try to hard. Care too much. Want too much. Its nice when you can let go, and let it come to you. Not care. Or maybe learn to care about the right things. The right things are what is important to you, not right to everyone. Thats when its right.
Bumblebees.
Butterflies.
Blueberry pancakes. (wheat ones)
Beer.
Best friends.
Books.
Boston red socks.
Beans.
I saw this girl on state street. Ratty hair. Dirty face. Desperate. Holding a sign saying 'Send me home to Berkely' and then there was the classic heart with a peace sign in the center. It was sad. Its as if I realized that I could do that. I could just go out there and do whatever. But there is a line. And those people that are just "there" ...they never even get close to that line. Theyre not original, crazy, fun, spontaneous, bitchy, honest, or real. And then there are those that cross the line. Go too far. Come to Madison, and try to get back to Berkely. Well babe, I hate to break it to you...but Berkely aint what it once was. Maybe JC knew what he was talking about when he said he'd walk the line. And to stay on that wire, to only offend the right amount, and maintain a great personality at the same time. The people that are "whatever" dont let that come naturally. They try to hard. Care too much. Want too much. Its nice when you can let go, and let it come to you. Not care. Or maybe learn to care about the right things. The right things are what is important to you, not right to everyone. Thats when its right.
Bumblebees.
Butterflies.
Blueberry pancakes. (wheat ones)
Beer.
Best friends.
Books.
Boston red socks.
Beans.
Monday, April 19, 2010
15 min left in class. how many nice things can i think of........today
1) when you find something you think you've lost
2) when you realize what youre already buying is on sale.
3) when you get free breakfast on Bascom
4) waking up to texts
5) falling asleep to good music
6) anticipating summer. knowing youll never be let down.
7) when your TA gives you prompts for test essays so you dont have to study everything
8) cathy day
9) becoming friends with people in your classes
10) when gay boys speak in women studies class
11) when you see two ducks quacking together
12) alone time when its just needed
13) how everything 'goes by too fast' even when you can remember the worst times. its always too fast.
14) thinking change is a bad thing, and then realizing it isnt
15) when your professor of a class of 20 doesnt even recognize you. (it makes saying hi awkward)
16) teas on fridays. taking a whole box. thanks for the inspiration...sarah
17) when people text you so much that it becomes annoying. and then you have to slap yourself for being annoyed that someone cares so much
18) all the free food ive ever had. its ridiculous really. and it always tastes better.
19) planning things. but not telling people. in case you back out.
20) sitting in class and looking forward to the D. coke, coffee, tea, or cocktail you'll be having after class.
21) having two different great lives. its like standing on two legs. it feels so stable.
22) surviving first semester and being here now.
23) saylres crazy texts
24) how original kinzee is while never ever ever trying.
25) steep & brew mugs
26) my chucks
27) this hipster in front of me that dyed his hair blonde, and wears a bright orange hat.
28) when saylre sends me pictures of boys she likes to my school email
29) playing hangman with saylre over skype
30) jordyns apothetic skype face
31) most likely you. if youre reading this.
2) when you realize what youre already buying is on sale.
3) when you get free breakfast on Bascom
4) waking up to texts
5) falling asleep to good music
6) anticipating summer. knowing youll never be let down.
7) when your TA gives you prompts for test essays so you dont have to study everything
8) cathy day
9) becoming friends with people in your classes
10) when gay boys speak in women studies class
11) when you see two ducks quacking together
12) alone time when its just needed
13) how everything 'goes by too fast' even when you can remember the worst times. its always too fast.
14) thinking change is a bad thing, and then realizing it isnt
15) when your professor of a class of 20 doesnt even recognize you. (it makes saying hi awkward)
16) teas on fridays. taking a whole box. thanks for the inspiration...sarah
17) when people text you so much that it becomes annoying. and then you have to slap yourself for being annoyed that someone cares so much
18) all the free food ive ever had. its ridiculous really. and it always tastes better.
19) planning things. but not telling people. in case you back out.
20) sitting in class and looking forward to the D. coke, coffee, tea, or cocktail you'll be having after class.
21) having two different great lives. its like standing on two legs. it feels so stable.
22) surviving first semester and being here now.
23) saylres crazy texts
24) how original kinzee is while never ever ever trying.
25) steep & brew mugs
26) my chucks
27) this hipster in front of me that dyed his hair blonde, and wears a bright orange hat.
28) when saylre sends me pictures of boys she likes to my school email
29) playing hangman with saylre over skype
30) jordyns apothetic skype face
31) most likely you. if youre reading this.
Sunday, April 18, 2010
they'll have you suicidal. suicidal. when they say its over.
Lets keep in soft touch.
I love that expression.
Im having a great morning. My words are getting 'confused'. I was about to say - "Im having a great question." ??? Thats kinky. Um so heres whats on the dashboard--- 1) sorority row. (literally. I loved it. Im not even being sarcastic when I say that. But I loved it because it allowed me to be sarcastic.) 2) How happy we all are 3) college = 1/4 over 4) how great the song 'sunday morning' by maroon 5 is. 5) what ever happened to Maroon 5?
Things just get so crazy, living life gets hard to do. And i would gladly hit the road, get up if I knew. That someday it would lead me back to you :) Great lyrics.
The thing is...Time. Everything is time. But if time isnt real? What is real? We are nothing. In the end, its nothing. Its so great to know that you will die soon. It frees you to live TODAY. I love it. Because I can remember yesterday, but yesterday is no longer real. Its just so nice to realize you can be selfish sometimes. Maybe thats all I am. Selfish. I love my life. I'll have those nights where I hate it, but in the end, Im not too proud to admit that I love it here. I think that sometimes people are too proud to be happy. They just cant allow themselves to be. Those people literally need therapists. I dont need a therapist. And some may think Im crazy. But I think they're CRAZY. Tarzan and Jane made it. Why cant we?
I really am inspired by weird things. John Lennon. I mean, its not weird, but I suppose its 'random'. Andy Warhol. So innovative. (bam. hit you with that word.) Lady Gaga. Glee. Kid Cudi. Jason Mraz. They are all extremely original. And I hate that I cant BE that way. I watch the pursuit of happiness music video and am filled with extreme jealousy and admiration that my fists clench. Its ridiculous. I need to do that. Be that.
Last night while extremely drunk I jumped (sprung) off the futon and claimed "I JUST REALIZED HOW HAPPY I AM" Isnt that beautiful? Just admit it, for a second I did something beautiful. I love that I said that. I love it even more that I cant remember it. I just have to trust that Rachel isnt lying. She wouldnt lie? Would she? Who would make that up?
People make up weird stuff.
People steal weird stuff.
People are weird stuff? hehe (kinzee johnson type hee hee.)
I love that expression.
Im having a great morning. My words are getting 'confused'. I was about to say - "Im having a great question." ??? Thats kinky. Um so heres whats on the dashboard--- 1) sorority row. (literally. I loved it. Im not even being sarcastic when I say that. But I loved it because it allowed me to be sarcastic.) 2) How happy we all are 3) college = 1/4 over 4) how great the song 'sunday morning' by maroon 5 is. 5) what ever happened to Maroon 5?
Things just get so crazy, living life gets hard to do. And i would gladly hit the road, get up if I knew. That someday it would lead me back to you :) Great lyrics.
The thing is...Time. Everything is time. But if time isnt real? What is real? We are nothing. In the end, its nothing. Its so great to know that you will die soon. It frees you to live TODAY. I love it. Because I can remember yesterday, but yesterday is no longer real. Its just so nice to realize you can be selfish sometimes. Maybe thats all I am. Selfish. I love my life. I'll have those nights where I hate it, but in the end, Im not too proud to admit that I love it here. I think that sometimes people are too proud to be happy. They just cant allow themselves to be. Those people literally need therapists. I dont need a therapist. And some may think Im crazy. But I think they're CRAZY. Tarzan and Jane made it. Why cant we?
I really am inspired by weird things. John Lennon. I mean, its not weird, but I suppose its 'random'. Andy Warhol. So innovative. (bam. hit you with that word.) Lady Gaga. Glee. Kid Cudi. Jason Mraz. They are all extremely original. And I hate that I cant BE that way. I watch the pursuit of happiness music video and am filled with extreme jealousy and admiration that my fists clench. Its ridiculous. I need to do that. Be that.
Last night while extremely drunk I jumped (sprung) off the futon and claimed "I JUST REALIZED HOW HAPPY I AM" Isnt that beautiful? Just admit it, for a second I did something beautiful. I love that I said that. I love it even more that I cant remember it. I just have to trust that Rachel isnt lying. She wouldnt lie? Would she? Who would make that up?
People make up weird stuff.
People steal weird stuff.
People are weird stuff? hehe (kinzee johnson type hee hee.)
Saturday, April 17, 2010
no. actually i dont want to dance.
Maybe the only thing that makes us unique is the little things that inspire us.
Clothing.
Words.
Signs.
Music.
Pictures.
Art.
Etc.,
Last night I was at a party. An okay/slightly uncomfortable party. Maybe I would have had fun there had I been in a different mindset. I just sulked, red cup in weak hand. Leaning against a stove. Ohhh did my five dollars pay for a meal you will place in this old fashioned bastard later this week? Great. Because Im just trying to keep you guys thriving. Make a lasagna on me. I'll drink six keystone keg cupped foam beers and call it even. Yeah hit me up the next time youre having a party, I'll surely come. I had a blast. Friend me on facebook. Lets even start doing our homework together. But oh, wait. You live so far away from central campus that it would take you 45 minutes just to walk to me, i'll come to you. Oh I didnt mean to make that face when you handed me your cup and told me to fill it up with 'wop'. Its just that...I didnt really WANT to stick my hand in to the sketchy tupperware container filled with koolaide. But, for you, sure anything doll. God, nice playlist. Who is playing the music around here? Its really making my foot tap, I cant even help it. Im being DRAWN to the dancefloor. I'll just go act like im waiting in line at the bathroom.
Back to what inspired me about this. I realized that a girl that lived on my floor last semester was there. And just knowing that made me feel awkward. I tell my friend, and he can tell im freezing up. He says to me, 'You were really lonely last semester? Werent you?' I dont know why. But that inspired every feeling written above. And I realize that yes indeed, I was lonely last semester. Ive known that obviously. But I havent FELT it since then, until last night. Its like hearing a really sad song that you havent heard in a long time. It takes you back, and once again breaks your heart.
Clothing.
Words.
Signs.
Music.
Pictures.
Art.
Etc.,
Last night I was at a party. An okay/slightly uncomfortable party. Maybe I would have had fun there had I been in a different mindset. I just sulked, red cup in weak hand. Leaning against a stove. Ohhh did my five dollars pay for a meal you will place in this old fashioned bastard later this week? Great. Because Im just trying to keep you guys thriving. Make a lasagna on me. I'll drink six keystone keg cupped foam beers and call it even. Yeah hit me up the next time youre having a party, I'll surely come. I had a blast. Friend me on facebook. Lets even start doing our homework together. But oh, wait. You live so far away from central campus that it would take you 45 minutes just to walk to me, i'll come to you. Oh I didnt mean to make that face when you handed me your cup and told me to fill it up with 'wop'. Its just that...I didnt really WANT to stick my hand in to the sketchy tupperware container filled with koolaide. But, for you, sure anything doll. God, nice playlist. Who is playing the music around here? Its really making my foot tap, I cant even help it. Im being DRAWN to the dancefloor. I'll just go act like im waiting in line at the bathroom.
Back to what inspired me about this. I realized that a girl that lived on my floor last semester was there. And just knowing that made me feel awkward. I tell my friend, and he can tell im freezing up. He says to me, 'You were really lonely last semester? Werent you?' I dont know why. But that inspired every feeling written above. And I realize that yes indeed, I was lonely last semester. Ive known that obviously. But I havent FELT it since then, until last night. Its like hearing a really sad song that you havent heard in a long time. It takes you back, and once again breaks your heart.
Friday, April 16, 2010
i miss the days when cocaine was in Coke
I just remembered that time that Kinzee purposely pushed me while I was holding an ice cream cone. We planned it all out. I would fall, drop my ice cream on the floor of the IGA, and then we'd ditch so that Kelsey would have to clean it up. That always makes me laugh. You only have a small window of time in your life when you can get away with crap like that. Im pretty sure we were too old for such bitchy things, but we did it anyway.
Small windows. Youre only allowed to scream out eighth floor dorm windows when youre living in one. You can only get away with running over a mailbox with your dads car at a certain age. Im not too old for that stuff. Im not too old to for Disney songs and Im not too old to quote Holden Caulfield. Im not too old to take free stickers, put them on my shirt, move them around, let them lose their stick, and then put them on someones back. Im not too old to pass out with my clothes on, get up and wear them to class. Im not too old to write letters back home on paper napkins. Im not too old to draw pictures of strangers, doodle fish and flowers, play tic tac toe during class, and look at the clock every ten minutes waiting to go outside. Im definitely not too old for Wizards of Waverly Place, and Im not too old for ice cream as a meal. Im not too old to fuck things up. Im too young for some things though. Sometimes I still feel like a little kid, not ready for some things I put myself through. I like people that can protect my innocence. Thats what I like.
I just cant help but think that i'll live forever. Maybe that is helpful. I can enjoy the day, and not worry. If you live forever, there is no need to worry. I have nothing of importance to worry about anyway. A test? No way. A paper? Nooo. I always ask myself ------are you going to remember this in 5 years? Most likely not. But I think I'll remember sitting in a stair case doing something I can only get away with for a few years and WISHING TIME WOULD PAUSE. I wish I could hold the world and tell it everything will be okay. Its weird, but maybe it just needs comfort. This is stupid: But the night before I took my ACT I couldnt fall asleep because I was so anxious. Finally at 3 a.m. (fists balled up in anger) I started to cry because I was SO mad. I couldnt force myself to fall asleep, right before this 'important' day. So I go in to my mom and dads room, lay down on the foot of their bed and sleep. I love that. Im not too old for that.
Small windows. Youre only allowed to scream out eighth floor dorm windows when youre living in one. You can only get away with running over a mailbox with your dads car at a certain age. Im not too old for that stuff. Im not too old to for Disney songs and Im not too old to quote Holden Caulfield. Im not too old to take free stickers, put them on my shirt, move them around, let them lose their stick, and then put them on someones back. Im not too old to pass out with my clothes on, get up and wear them to class. Im not too old to write letters back home on paper napkins. Im not too old to draw pictures of strangers, doodle fish and flowers, play tic tac toe during class, and look at the clock every ten minutes waiting to go outside. Im definitely not too old for Wizards of Waverly Place, and Im not too old for ice cream as a meal. Im not too old to fuck things up. Im too young for some things though. Sometimes I still feel like a little kid, not ready for some things I put myself through. I like people that can protect my innocence. Thats what I like.
I just cant help but think that i'll live forever. Maybe that is helpful. I can enjoy the day, and not worry. If you live forever, there is no need to worry. I have nothing of importance to worry about anyway. A test? No way. A paper? Nooo. I always ask myself ------are you going to remember this in 5 years? Most likely not. But I think I'll remember sitting in a stair case doing something I can only get away with for a few years and WISHING TIME WOULD PAUSE. I wish I could hold the world and tell it everything will be okay. Its weird, but maybe it just needs comfort. This is stupid: But the night before I took my ACT I couldnt fall asleep because I was so anxious. Finally at 3 a.m. (fists balled up in anger) I started to cry because I was SO mad. I couldnt force myself to fall asleep, right before this 'important' day. So I go in to my mom and dads room, lay down on the foot of their bed and sleep. I love that. Im not too old for that.
Monday, April 12, 2010
never be ready
Sometimes the only solution is holliesquotes.
And sometimes the only solution is a sad song.
But sometimes the only solution is capsules of nyquil.
OH and sometimes you need the combination.
But if it gets worse than that. Youre screwed.
Its worse than that. Im screwed. Ive got it bad.
And its been this way for a little while.
But not like this. Im getting restless.
I used to get restless in Harmony.
I sometimes did some little stupid things.
No regrets. No worries. I'll let it go.
But this. I cant let go for the life of me.
And then there's you. And youre near.
I cant stand this. Its not what you think.
I cant stand it anymore. I need to act.
I dont like when things stay the same for long.
Thats so boring.
The cycle continues. A vicious cycle. Ughhhh.
I can figure out what is going on in that predictable head of yours in five minutes.
But something tells me it would take five years to figure out your heart.
Anything I throw at you, you throw it right back.
You tell me to shut up and make fun of me for "acting chill."
Youre better than anyone I know.
Who doesnt want to hear someone say that to them?
I can only think of one person.
And sometimes the only solution is a sad song.
But sometimes the only solution is capsules of nyquil.
OH and sometimes you need the combination.
But if it gets worse than that. Youre screwed.
Its worse than that. Im screwed. Ive got it bad.
And its been this way for a little while.
But not like this. Im getting restless.
I used to get restless in Harmony.
I sometimes did some little stupid things.
No regrets. No worries. I'll let it go.
But this. I cant let go for the life of me.
And then there's you. And youre near.
I cant stand this. Its not what you think.
I cant stand it anymore. I need to act.
I dont like when things stay the same for long.
Thats so boring.
The cycle continues. A vicious cycle. Ughhhh.
I can figure out what is going on in that predictable head of yours in five minutes.
But something tells me it would take five years to figure out your heart.
Anything I throw at you, you throw it right back.
You tell me to shut up and make fun of me for "acting chill."
Youre better than anyone I know.
Who doesnt want to hear someone say that to them?
I can only think of one person.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
i love you oh so well.
I get my loving on the run. Ooooh. I was just thinking about how great this summer will be. Its really ironic how even on the very best of days you spend thinking about the future. Sitting on the terrace, the sun turning my skin another shade of white, watching the ducks and little children (more so the little children.), and studying SOIL. But my mind drifts. (I can just picture my mind......a boat on the lake...its sail has tears everywhere...im sitting there stearing it...:)) Sarah says I dont make sense. That makes sense. I kind of understand why people enjoy relationships. I was just realizing that yesterday. Its nice having someone to make you happy in a way that you dont have to understand. They make you happy because they are simply there, being them. I like that. At first theres that anxiety: I need to make you laugh. I need to listen to your stories and pay attention. But ask questions. And then you get comfortable. You can just sit. I like smiling while sitting and not saying anything.
Sarah and I were walking down the street talking about how much we love Madison yesterday. Its important to like where you are. Its perfect here. Perfect to me. I love the lake. My job. My classes. My bunk bed and my view. My little runs on Lakeshore path. My parties. My Bascom sittings. My friends. Its so funny how things can just be owned. They become such a part of you and the vision you have of yourself.
If I were an object I would be a kite staying afloat on a day lacking wind.
Sarah and I were walking down the street talking about how much we love Madison yesterday. Its important to like where you are. Its perfect here. Perfect to me. I love the lake. My job. My classes. My bunk bed and my view. My little runs on Lakeshore path. My parties. My Bascom sittings. My friends. Its so funny how things can just be owned. They become such a part of you and the vision you have of yourself.
If I were an object I would be a kite staying afloat on a day lacking wind.
Friday, April 9, 2010
Rule: You cant not be happy on a FRIDAY.
Things that have made me cry this week: my womens studies discussion (it was just sad), an intense holliesquote, a new song, pretty much everything. (including a car commercial. and a phone call with my mom. ---weirD)
But then I realized (as kinzee's mom put it when kinzee asked her about it and kinzee told me this story after I told her ive been oh so emotional lately) "its part of being a woman". Am I gonna wear that hat I got a month ago but have only worn twice because i JUST cant quite figure out which outfit it goes with today? yes, i fucking am. And you know what it goes with? A white t and jean shorts. Am I gonna wear tennis shoes? hell no. Im wearing flip flops. Is it kinda chilly out...maybe. FUCK YOU. I dont care. I just DONT care. FINALLY. Is this really only the first week back? Its been a long one. And Im so ready for the weekend. Isnt everyone? GOD. We're all such stars stuck between earth and the milky way. Um question? Do you want to change the world? I want to. You want to. CAN SOMEONE JUST TELL ME HOW. Thats why no one does anything..........no one knows what to do or how to do it. Find what makes you so A.D.D that you cant stop cracking your knuckles and a smile sticks on your fat face while you manage to blurt out your emotions on the subject? WHAT does it?!!! find that. I need to. Everyone needs to. Andy and I were have a little hand to hand (boy/girl heart2heart) last night. He kept saying how everyone at this school wants to make a difference. And I dont know if thats true, but maybe it is. The best parts of those people. (the rest of themselves can fuck the other bad parts). I want to write a book. Write a play. Write you a poem. Make you a movie. But I cant face your reaction. Dont you get it?!! Im a coward. I cant stand that you wont like what I say. I cant stand that you'll think im a fool. So I hide behind a computer. A pen. And then I sit, quiet. And I'll never know your reaction to what you read. Its comforting. I dont want to feel comfortable.
I want to feel on fire. And I cant stand this world this week. Its killing me. Its making me cry and its making me angry. BUT like dodgeball told us all :::::::Youve gotta get angry. Youve gotta get madddd. Sarah wants to make her mark. I love that, who says that?, I LOVE THAT. Rachel is seriously going to save the world, no questions asked. Laura will set you on fire, make you want everything out of life. Aaron is so passionate. Ughhh. So driven. Colleen could literally do anything she wanted, and she does, and she will. Evan is going to conserve every fricken plant out there and keep us in supply of oxygen. Andy will figure everything out. I know he will. He'll solve our problems. Aimee could inspire anyone, anywhere, anytime to be themself. No lie. I love it. I LOVE IT.
You cant not be happy, its Friday.
But then I realized (as kinzee's mom put it when kinzee asked her about it and kinzee told me this story after I told her ive been oh so emotional lately) "its part of being a woman". Am I gonna wear that hat I got a month ago but have only worn twice because i JUST cant quite figure out which outfit it goes with today? yes, i fucking am. And you know what it goes with? A white t and jean shorts. Am I gonna wear tennis shoes? hell no. Im wearing flip flops. Is it kinda chilly out...maybe. FUCK YOU. I dont care. I just DONT care. FINALLY. Is this really only the first week back? Its been a long one. And Im so ready for the weekend. Isnt everyone? GOD. We're all such stars stuck between earth and the milky way. Um question? Do you want to change the world? I want to. You want to. CAN SOMEONE JUST TELL ME HOW. Thats why no one does anything..........no one knows what to do or how to do it. Find what makes you so A.D.D that you cant stop cracking your knuckles and a smile sticks on your fat face while you manage to blurt out your emotions on the subject? WHAT does it?!!! find that. I need to. Everyone needs to. Andy and I were have a little hand to hand (boy/girl heart2heart) last night. He kept saying how everyone at this school wants to make a difference. And I dont know if thats true, but maybe it is. The best parts of those people. (the rest of themselves can fuck the other bad parts). I want to write a book. Write a play. Write you a poem. Make you a movie. But I cant face your reaction. Dont you get it?!! Im a coward. I cant stand that you wont like what I say. I cant stand that you'll think im a fool. So I hide behind a computer. A pen. And then I sit, quiet. And I'll never know your reaction to what you read. Its comforting. I dont want to feel comfortable.
I want to feel on fire. And I cant stand this world this week. Its killing me. Its making me cry and its making me angry. BUT like dodgeball told us all :::::::Youve gotta get angry. Youve gotta get madddd. Sarah wants to make her mark. I love that, who says that?, I LOVE THAT. Rachel is seriously going to save the world, no questions asked. Laura will set you on fire, make you want everything out of life. Aaron is so passionate. Ughhh. So driven. Colleen could literally do anything she wanted, and she does, and she will. Evan is going to conserve every fricken plant out there and keep us in supply of oxygen. Andy will figure everything out. I know he will. He'll solve our problems. Aimee could inspire anyone, anywhere, anytime to be themself. No lie. I love it. I LOVE IT.
You cant not be happy, its Friday.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
bitter. yet...sweet. (nahhh. just tart)
I honestly have beyond no idea what is occurring in my philosophy class. What the FUCK was I thinking? And honestly, what the fuck is free will? But If we're going there...then what the FUCK is knowledge, freedom etc (Gag me with something really gross. like sandpaper. ow.) Ive had this feeling a lot lately. And I cant really compare it to anything except finishing a book. Finishing a book always makes me feel weird. And Im pretty sure you can identify. (yayyy we can finally relate to eachother-----that took a long time) Its that happy completion, yet letdown. You feel so good about yourself because youre intellectualizing that crummy mind by doing something productive, expanding your vocabulary, and growing growing growing. (like a delicate little dandelion that some little 12 year old prick will ulitimately come and pick while saying 'mama had a baby and its head POPPED off' oh, well there goes your head. and if we're using this analogy we might as well use this in comparison to LIFE. oh what a shock. Life will completely mindfuck you. the end) Back to the book. So youre reading, and its hard at times. You set it down. You might pick it up in an hour, a day, a year, five years. There is really no telling. And some books you may never finish, good for you! The best book Ive ever read, I didnt finish. (Liar!!!!) Maybe finishing would have ruined it because endings always let me down. Except one. And now that I thought of it, it made me smile. Put a twinkle in my eye. My heart is back to its 18.9 year old self, no longer a 45 year old pessimist. That book would be THE GOD OF SMALL THINGS. And i'll tell you how it ended. With one word: Tomorrow.
Back to the book thing. You work so damn hard. Finally finish. And you want a medal. You want everyone to pat your back, hand you twenty dollars, and let you eat the last piece of cake (or meatloaf if youre in to that). But, NO ONE cares. (no. one.) Not your teacher, not your dog Bustit, not your boyfriend, girlfriend, best friend, etc. And you dont understand why. You tell yourself you did it for yourself anyway, to grow, to ESCAPE. But youre looking for someone who can appreciate this win, this accomplishment. And once you find that person, you love them. You talk to them (about the book). Youre twins. Soulmates. Star crossed lovers. You adore them. And then you get over it. You read that book years ago anyway, that book is out of your life. You cant remember what great insight it gave you in to the meaning of life anyway, and nowadays you dont really give a fuck.
Except you do. Because books arent like movies. Books never leave your brain. You never forget if you have read a book. You can certainly forget if youve watched a movie, if you liked the movie. You never forget your opinion of a book.
Did i just contradict myself ten times while making myself in to a hypocrite, because I was trying to sound sophisticated? Maybe. I dont give a fuck. Im sick of philosophy. But I cant go back now. I'll go where I want to go. Yeah. Yeah. I'll be what I want to be. (cant go back now - the weepies)
I cant really say why everyone wants to be somewhere else. But in the end the only steps that matter are the ones you take all by yourself.
Back to the book thing. You work so damn hard. Finally finish. And you want a medal. You want everyone to pat your back, hand you twenty dollars, and let you eat the last piece of cake (or meatloaf if youre in to that). But, NO ONE cares. (no. one.) Not your teacher, not your dog Bustit, not your boyfriend, girlfriend, best friend, etc. And you dont understand why. You tell yourself you did it for yourself anyway, to grow, to ESCAPE. But youre looking for someone who can appreciate this win, this accomplishment. And once you find that person, you love them. You talk to them (about the book). Youre twins. Soulmates. Star crossed lovers. You adore them. And then you get over it. You read that book years ago anyway, that book is out of your life. You cant remember what great insight it gave you in to the meaning of life anyway, and nowadays you dont really give a fuck.
Except you do. Because books arent like movies. Books never leave your brain. You never forget if you have read a book. You can certainly forget if youve watched a movie, if you liked the movie. You never forget your opinion of a book.
Did i just contradict myself ten times while making myself in to a hypocrite, because I was trying to sound sophisticated? Maybe. I dont give a fuck. Im sick of philosophy. But I cant go back now. I'll go where I want to go. Yeah. Yeah. I'll be what I want to be. (cant go back now - the weepies)
I cant really say why everyone wants to be somewhere else. But in the end the only steps that matter are the ones you take all by yourself.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
because thats the way uh (H)uh uh Huh i like it
Drank on a Monday.
Skipped my Tuesday classes.
Nothing to do until 3:45 when i work.
Have a feeling that time will go by fast.
Flashback::::::::::::
9:00. Text from Evan::: Melody Diamond Olstad.
Im watching a movie. (taking woodstock....jealous)
I'll be over once its over.
Evan & Andys room.
Im feeling all 'beautiful' and 'loving' because of the movie.
We start to 'sip' wine.
I can feel the fleece blanket on my legs.
Leah comes over.
We hide our cups.
She comes again.
We dont hide.
Then I have to bring up............shots shots shots shots.
Whiskey.
Brandy? is that how you spell it.
Evan had these cherries that had been soaked in alcohol.
I ate some. He ate some. Ves ate some. Andy ate one.
We're getting fucked.
Shitttttttt.
We were watching Dogma.
We turned it off.
Vic came over.
He is a funny guy.
I took Evans keys at some point, i think i thought that they were mine.
I woke up on the opposite side of the bed.
No alarm.
Didnt go to class.
Why go?
I dont pay attention anyway.
Hehe.
I put on hats.
Rachel is cracking me up.
Popcorn is in my bed.
Thank God thats all thats in my bed.
Rachel and I are laughing.
Cant find my phone.
Go to Evans room.
Wine on my shirt.
Rachel thinks its tyedye
I know its not.
she knows its not.
we laugh.
Cant find my phone.
Evan is not in the room.
My phone is off. turned off. bye bye phone.
I see puke on the futon.
Andy puked from his bed on to the futon.
gross.
Ive started not remembering a lot lately.
its annoying.
it doesnt scare me.
it just annoys me.
my head annoys me with its annoying pound.
i think i'll go on a run and maybe think about calling my mom
i need to call her to tell her i lost my phone.
its okay.
dont you worry.
my contract is up.
im glad im here.
i missed it here.
i didnt miss it the first night.
but now i realized.
i like it here. i may love it here. but thats such a thing to say.
i like the way i smell when im here.
its true.
I have this really crazy dream that i want to tell you about.
i may tell you i dreamt it.
but that is going to be a lie.
i thought it all up one day in geography.
its my own WONDERLAND and i go there when im bored.
youre welcome to come with me sometime.
Skipped my Tuesday classes.
Nothing to do until 3:45 when i work.
Have a feeling that time will go by fast.
Flashback::::::::::::
9:00. Text from Evan::: Melody Diamond Olstad.
Im watching a movie. (taking woodstock....jealous)
I'll be over once its over.
Evan & Andys room.
Im feeling all 'beautiful' and 'loving' because of the movie.
We start to 'sip' wine.
I can feel the fleece blanket on my legs.
Leah comes over.
We hide our cups.
She comes again.
We dont hide.
Then I have to bring up............shots shots shots shots.
Whiskey.
Brandy? is that how you spell it.
Evan had these cherries that had been soaked in alcohol.
I ate some. He ate some. Ves ate some. Andy ate one.
We're getting fucked.
Shitttttttt.
We were watching Dogma.
We turned it off.
Vic came over.
He is a funny guy.
I took Evans keys at some point, i think i thought that they were mine.
I woke up on the opposite side of the bed.
No alarm.
Didnt go to class.
Why go?
I dont pay attention anyway.
Hehe.
I put on hats.
Rachel is cracking me up.
Popcorn is in my bed.
Thank God thats all thats in my bed.
Rachel and I are laughing.
Cant find my phone.
Go to Evans room.
Wine on my shirt.
Rachel thinks its tyedye
I know its not.
she knows its not.
we laugh.
Cant find my phone.
Evan is not in the room.
My phone is off. turned off. bye bye phone.
I see puke on the futon.
Andy puked from his bed on to the futon.
gross.
Ive started not remembering a lot lately.
its annoying.
it doesnt scare me.
it just annoys me.
my head annoys me with its annoying pound.
i think i'll go on a run and maybe think about calling my mom
i need to call her to tell her i lost my phone.
its okay.
dont you worry.
my contract is up.
im glad im here.
i missed it here.
i didnt miss it the first night.
but now i realized.
i like it here. i may love it here. but thats such a thing to say.
i like the way i smell when im here.
its true.
I have this really crazy dream that i want to tell you about.
i may tell you i dreamt it.
but that is going to be a lie.
i thought it all up one day in geography.
its my own WONDERLAND and i go there when im bored.
youre welcome to come with me sometime.
Monday, April 5, 2010
I guess its kinda Jewish though
Give me something to write about...
Race.
No, that bores me.
Cameras. Controversy. the SOUTH.
Okay...lets start with the big one. CAMERAS. Im obsessed with 'capturing'. 'flashing' 'stalking' 'recording' 'getttingoneveryonesnerves' My camera broke. (aka i stepped on it when the lens was out). That camera had been through thick and thin with me. Sand got in it in the Cayman Islands (xoxo). I recorded my best friend drunk in a dog house on that sweet sweet baby. And it still just WONT give up on me. It will still turn on, just to say 'oh hey, i remember you, ive watched you grow in to a lovely young woman'. (or thats what i pretend its saying) but the lens just wont come out of its closet. I just try to talk my baby through it -- you can do it, im here for you, i know your family will be upset, but i'll be there for you, i love you. (i havent been in a relationship for 7 years, i think i'll speak to my camera however i like thank you very much). But...regretfully, my friend Sarah is on ebay looking for another lover for me. Apparently i 'dont know how to online shop'. (ummm? k????) She is a nice loyal companion, like a poodle.
CONTROVERSY ::: I love it. I hate it. I want more. I want less. Wowwww i think controversy and i have a little sexual tension that we need to work out. Come over later? round 11. see you then. No but seriously, lets git it onn. i wanta make love. controversy. youre shaking my confidence babyyyy. I just love to rattle people up, fuck with their smooshy brains, make them quiver (hehehehe weird word, eh aimee?)
The SOUTH: Everythings bigger in Texas. Been there once. Came out looking like a tomato, people literally called me MeltheTomato. I have pale skin ASSHOLES. Went in to a day at the beach looking like the white of your eyes (or eggs), came out looking like your eyes on drugs (or eggs with ketchup? ew?)
Today was a nice day. I like this day.
Race.
No, that bores me.
Cameras. Controversy. the SOUTH.
Okay...lets start with the big one. CAMERAS. Im obsessed with 'capturing'. 'flashing' 'stalking' 'recording' 'getttingoneveryonesnerves' My camera broke. (aka i stepped on it when the lens was out). That camera had been through thick and thin with me. Sand got in it in the Cayman Islands (xoxo). I recorded my best friend drunk in a dog house on that sweet sweet baby. And it still just WONT give up on me. It will still turn on, just to say 'oh hey, i remember you, ive watched you grow in to a lovely young woman'. (or thats what i pretend its saying) but the lens just wont come out of its closet. I just try to talk my baby through it -- you can do it, im here for you, i know your family will be upset, but i'll be there for you, i love you. (i havent been in a relationship for 7 years, i think i'll speak to my camera however i like thank you very much). But...regretfully, my friend Sarah is on ebay looking for another lover for me. Apparently i 'dont know how to online shop'. (ummm? k????) She is a nice loyal companion, like a poodle.
CONTROVERSY ::: I love it. I hate it. I want more. I want less. Wowwww i think controversy and i have a little sexual tension that we need to work out. Come over later? round 11. see you then. No but seriously, lets git it onn. i wanta make love. controversy. youre shaking my confidence babyyyy. I just love to rattle people up, fuck with their smooshy brains, make them quiver (hehehehe weird word, eh aimee?)
The SOUTH: Everythings bigger in Texas. Been there once. Came out looking like a tomato, people literally called me MeltheTomato. I have pale skin ASSHOLES. Went in to a day at the beach looking like the white of your eyes (or eggs), came out looking like your eyes on drugs (or eggs with ketchup? ew?)
Today was a nice day. I like this day.
Sunday, April 4, 2010
hollie is boring me.
You dont need to know any of this, but I think the things people hold closest to them are the things they dont reveal, the things they are scared of losing. The things I think about the most are the things I never talk about. (which is scary when considering how much i talk --->my attempt at being silly tonight). I wish I could know what would later be considered an 'important' moment as it was happening. I know that ruins the whole idea of life (blah blah. blah.) but I would just like to be aware every once in a great while. The days that im literally an overdose of ecstasy are the days that seem like a blur. Nothing specific stands out to me. I see myself grinning while looking down at the world from my dorm window. I see myself laying on Bascom, getting off on the weather. But I never remember anything S P E C I F I C. I like/love/adore being happy. Who doesnt? (duh.) But I can slow time down and bottle it up when Im feeling nervous, scared, sad, sober, genuine. I wish I could get myself to feel that way, remember things that way, take life in that way on a normal basis. But I cant. I can only get that feeling from someone else. I think that you need to listen to A Wish by Gregory and the Hawk to understand what im trying to tell you. (or maybe throw me a rope by kt tunstall..............just a better suggestion)
Everything moves so fast. And this life, and first year of college, has been such a blur. Looking back I feel like ive only had one or two extremely slow motion/memorable moments this year. I sometimes kick myself for letting perfectly fine people slip away. Ill sit and blame myself for being too weird or boring or hard to handle. But its not supposed to be like that. Or I hope its not. Im so confused. And as my little man jack kerouac said..........i have nothing to offer the world except my own confusion.
Everything moves so fast. And this life, and first year of college, has been such a blur. Looking back I feel like ive only had one or two extremely slow motion/memorable moments this year. I sometimes kick myself for letting perfectly fine people slip away. Ill sit and blame myself for being too weird or boring or hard to handle. But its not supposed to be like that. Or I hope its not. Im so confused. And as my little man jack kerouac said..........i have nothing to offer the world except my own confusion.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
what a crazzzy morning
Woke up this morning, thought I was feeling like P. Diddy, boy was I wrong. I yawn, pull my arms in the air, stretch out on my bed (best feeling ever.............almost), then start purposely twitching and laughing to myself. Pull open my shades (blinds...not sure) anyway, i look out and see ten of those really big work horses that the amish have. One is laying there.........dead. All bloody. Really really sick. I dont know what to do because im the only one home and its not like amish have phones. So I call the police. I dont want the amish to think I murdered their horse. So I get brought in to the station and I am questioned. They ask if ive ever shot a gun. (Yes, but it was scary..............aka fun). Then I have to be analyzed by a psychologist. This is all before 9:30. I was released to work. The amish didnt want any charges pressed because they dont believe in law enforcement.
April fools ya fucker. If you believed that youre an idiot.
April fools ya fucker. If you believed that youre an idiot.
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