hollie is boring me.

You dont need to know any of this, but I think the things people hold closest to them are the things they dont reveal, the things they are scared of losing. The things I think about the most are the things I never talk about. (which is scary when considering how much i talk --->my attempt at being silly tonight). I wish I could know what would later be considered an 'important' moment as it was happening. I know that ruins the whole idea of life (blah blah. blah.) but I would just like to be aware every once in a great while. The days that im literally an overdose of ecstasy are the days that seem like a blur. Nothing specific stands out to me. I see myself grinning while looking down at the world from my dorm window. I see myself laying on Bascom, getting off on the weather. But I never remember anything S P E C I F I C. I like/love/adore being happy. Who doesnt? (duh.) But I can slow time down and bottle it up when Im feeling nervous, scared, sad, sober, genuine. I wish I could get myself to feel that way, remember things that way, take life in that way on a normal basis. But I cant. I can only get that feeling from someone else. I think that you need to listen to A Wish by Gregory and the Hawk to understand what im trying to tell you. (or maybe throw me a rope by kt tunstall..............just a better suggestion)

Everything moves so fast. And this life, and first year of college, has been such a blur. Looking back I feel like ive only had one or two extremely slow motion/memorable moments this year. I sometimes kick myself for letting perfectly fine people slip away. Ill sit and blame myself for being too weird or boring or hard to handle. But its not supposed to be like that. Or I hope its not. Im so confused. And as my little man jack kerouac said..........i have nothing to offer the world except my own confusion.